On Shaving

I think old people often mistake stubborness for wisdom. "It's always been done, therefore it's wise." To this day, I see no wisdom in a man scraping the hairs from his face with a razor. It is at least unnatural and possibly even unhealthy. I am sorry, face, for what I have done. I will never violate you in such a brutal way again. Some men (maybe most) have less sensitive skin, and will not understand my protest. Others may argue that I simply need to apply more chemicals (aftershave) to my face to force tolerance. I say you're all mad, and if a woman will not stand by her man's right to judge for himself, then she is accurately calling him "her" man. For his next trick, he may very well denounce his friends and openly mock his former opinions.

This amazes me:

One of the first things we learn on this planet is language (in our case, English). We spend our lives perfecting it, yet grown men and women refuse to use this miracle to express themselves to each other. This is especially true of loved ones, and is, to me, proof that people are, at heart, terrified of each other. No matter how atrocious one's behavior is, if you don't communicate your opinion, you may as well sign a petition asking all of mankind to behave in a similar manner. I will never respond to hints, body language, or murmuring. Stop hiding from people, communicate your disapprovals in English (and in person), or harbor the cancer and die.

Plaid

Something I am just learning: to stop being honest. If a person is bleeding, whatever you do, don't point it out. They'd rather just bleed to death, oblivious to the reasons, and lamenting the world. The truth, like a plaid liesure suit, is the most unappealing garment one can wear.

Legendary Coach Joe Pa

In regard to certain crimes, any option other than calling 911 is voluntary participation. We don't know all the details, but we do know that he never contacted authorities. This is not simply a disgrace. It is a dispicable act perpetuated by the only people capable of saving those boys. How can our children have a chance with such conspiracies against their health being carried out by "untouchable" figures in our culture? Coach Paterno will never sign another football without wondering the true intentions of the autograph seeker.

A Word to Parents

(Please bear in mind that I am not a parent)

Stop trying to "teach your kids a lesson." Instead, be there to help them grow and learn from the lessons life teaches them daily.

Clever Industry

So you are praying for wisdom... Are you sure it's wisdom you want, and not cleverness? Because you don't have to pray to attain that.

Clever men inherit what wise men create.

Good 'ol American Football

When you instill values in your kids learned from a team sport (none moreso than football), you are basically teaching them the rewards of socialism.

"More consistently and more inherently than any other sport, football just does not work if every player on the field does not dedicate his individual performance to team-scale goals. There's room for individual brilliance, of course... But wins come from collective effort, from the sublimation of the individual to a greater common good." -David Roth

Litter

I drive through town, littering the road with words that foolishly fall from my mouth. Some day, I will be arrested for something I have said, and forced to walk the streets in orange, silently picking up these words, one by one, and placing them into bags.

Ponderings on Serpents, Cell Phones, and Serenity

You will die. The purpose of insurance is to make things unfair. It's just not possible for someone to violate your rights with words. The sequel will not be as good. Be able to laugh at yourself, but don't make a habit of it. ALWAYS, take your cell phone. You can't go to school to be an artist. Team sports teach socialist lessons. Photos can change the way you remember an event. It's not your right to be happy, only to pursue it. True confidence is serene. Snakes don't want to bite you; their venom is precious to them. The more words you learn, the fewer you will need. There is no such thing as false hope. When you win an award, don't say it's humbling. It's not. It's flattering (but don't say that either). Humbled is what the loser feels. "Considerate" drivers cause wrecks.

tbc...